4th Snow

Messing With Sasquatch

2010-06-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

Messing With Sasquatch

Coming Back Party

2010-06-16T18:15:00.001-07:00

Hey guys, I've been out of the loop with the blog for a bit but will be back posting this week! Get Ready!

@greghsnow

Handbook for 2010

2010-01-26T09:36:00.001-08:00

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in "plants.".
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Share this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Best Video of the Year

2009-12-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

Best Video of the Year

Woodpecker

2009-12-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

Woodpecker Video

Tiger's Holiday Portrait

2009-12-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

Jesus Is Watching You

2009-12-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

This Could Save Your Life

2009-11-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

How To Fail A Check Point

2009-11-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

The Solar System

2009-11-03T06:10:00.000-08:00

I CERTAINLY THOUGHT THIS WAS ENLIGHTENING.

BEYOND OUR SUN IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE.

Funny Plumber Cartoon

2009-10-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Funny Plumber Cartoon

Winter

2009-10-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Winter :(

1 Billion Dollars

2009-10-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

Click If You Can't Read

Ping Pong Balls

2009-10-15T08:37:00.001-07:00

Three men wanted to marry the same woman. She couldn't decide. So She decided to come up with a fun way. "Whoever brings me the most ping-pong balls, that's who I'll marry." One week goes by, and the first man comes up with a dump-truck full of ping-pong balls. She's impressed. Another week goes by, and another man comes back with a freight train full of ping-pong balls. She's very impressed. She waits for the 3rd man. Finally, he comes back after six months. He's beat up. He's got a black eye, and he's covered with bruises and splattered with blood. He's carrying a trash-bag. The lady says, "Sorry man, it doesn't look like you have enough ping-pong balls in that bag." He exclaims, "Ping-pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!"

The Drunk and The Cop

2009-10-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Tough Competition

2009-10-12T09:45:00.001-07:00

This is a school bus in China....

We have some tough competition...

A blonde gets on an elevator

2009-10-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

A blonde gets on an elevator.

When she entered, she says to a man that was

already in there,

"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more
slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's
Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday -- duuhhh

I wonder why?

2009-10-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide . . Let's see now...
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No car races

No football

No baseball

No golf

No tailgate parties

No Wal Mart

No pork BBQ

No hot dogs

No burgers

No chocolate chip cookies

No lobster

No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks

No nachos

No Beer nuts

No Beer !!!!!!!!

Rags for clothes and towels for hats.

Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

More than one wife.

You can't shave.

Your wives can't shave.

You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times..

Your bride is picked by someone else.

She smells just like your donkey.

But your donkey has a better disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

Civic Lesson

2009-10-09T06:36:00.001-07:00

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

Classroom Joke

2009-10-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

Little janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janicefell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But,Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janicefell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

Zebra Teeth

2009-10-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

Zebra Teeth

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake Joke

2009-10-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

Oh Squirrel...

2009-10-06T20:48:00.001-07:00

Oh Squirrel...

Pickup Lines #2

2009-10-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print

Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

Excuse me miss, I don't mean to stare, but um I think you're really Beautiful"

Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw!

Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

Nature Rocks!

2009-10-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

Nature Rocks!

Blond Jokes

2009-10-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said "concentrate" on it!

A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Getting Wet In An Interesting Way...

2009-10-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

Getting Wet In An Interesting Way...

A letter to home...

2009-10-04T12:34:00.001-07:00

Dear Father, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

Rude awakening in 3.. 2.. 1..

2009-10-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

Rude awakening in 3.. 2.. 1..

Blonds Ice-Fishing

2009-10-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.

"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

I Suppose I'm Ready For Winter...

2009-10-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

I Suppose I'm Ready For Winter...

Ronald Got Caught!

2009-10-02T14:19:00.001-07:00

Ronald Got Caught!

My Riddle Story (Shoutout to @Suns39)

2009-10-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

My Riddle Story (Shoutout to @Suns39)

So at my school, James Madison University, there is a place called "Taylor Down Under." It consists of multiple couches and chairs along with a Java City. It's Just a place to relax and get some work done. That's where I am sitting now. I was debating whether to go the gym or stay here and drink some hot chocolate (the taste buds still haven't acquired the "greatness" of coffee yet haha). The next event made me stay and drink hot chocolate.

There is an stage and microphone in Taylor Down Under and as I was doing work, someone got up on the stage and started to speak. He asked everyone in the room two questions and said that he would get back up on stage in 10 minutes and give us the answers. The questions were:

Why is a riddle like a pencil?

and

I'm as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I'll approach like a breeze, but can come like a gale. By some I gethit, but all have shown fear. I'll dance to music, though I can't hear. Of names I have many, of names I have one. I'm as slow as a snail, but from me you can't run. What am I?

I thought about it for a second, well 1o minutes until he got back up on stage.

He said:

Because it's no good without a point!

and

I am a shadow!

I thought they were kind of good and a little corny but I guess this was the most interesting thing that happened to me today haha.

Shout out to @Suns39 I guess my day wasn't to interesting.

Latest Grill Accessories: These Are A Must Have!

2009-10-01T06:43:00.001-07:00

Latest Grill Accessories: These Are A Must Have!

Just Give Him The Frisbee!

2009-09-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

Just Give Him The Frisbee!

You Should Listen To Your Wife...

2009-09-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

A newleywed couple into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?

You Should Probably Go To The Restroom Now...

2009-09-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

You Should Probably Go To The Restroom Now...

A Good Reason To Wear Pajamas To Bed!

2009-09-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

A Good Reason To Wear Pajamas To Bed!

How To Handle A Neighbor Problem!

2009-09-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

How To Handle A Neighbor Problem!

"Tattoo of the Year"

2009-09-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

"Tattoo of the Year"

You'll Never Get To Work On Time HAHA!!

2009-09-26T09:00:00.001-07:00

You'll Never Get To Work On Time HAHA!!

McBurnt

2009-09-25T09:10:00.001-07:00

McBurnt...

Positive proof of global warming...

2009-09-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

Positive proof of global warming...

Police Hard At Work...

2009-09-24T16:35:00.001-07:00

Police Hard At Work...

Take A Close Look...

2009-09-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

Study these 3 photos closely, then read the message at the bottom. It will explain lots and lots of things...........as if you didn't already know.

THIS IS INDIA . IT'S WHERE YOU CALL WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.

Bad Spelling...

2009-09-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Bad Spelling...

A plumber with a sense of humor...

2009-09-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

A plumber with a sense of humor...

My Boyfriend!

2009-09-21T09:43:00.001-07:00

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60 off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

"You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

World's Funniest Joke... No really it's rated as the funniest joke...

2009-08-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

A study called LaughLab sought out to find the world's funniest joke. Over 40,000 jokes were submitted from over 70 countries. People logged on to rate them 1-5 and this was the highest rated joke:

Two hunters from New Jersey are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps out to the operator: "My friend is dead. What can I do?" The operator in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. First let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

Pretty funny but I don't think it's the funniest in the world.

Can You Read This?

2009-08-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

Can you read this?

I bleep on the first date...

2009-08-13T12:01:00.001-07:00

hmmmm?

Phone Ever Been Wet And Not Work?

2009-08-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

If you ever have gotten your phone soaked with water from whatever reason and saw that it has stopped working, no need to fret just yet. The other day, my mother came into my little brothers room and gathered his clothes and did a load of wash. At the time, my brother wasn't home so he couldn't stop my mother from doing what she did. She accidently washed his phone. As she was putting the cloths in the drier, she noticed what she did. My cousin was there at the time and he rushed to the closet, pulled out some rice and poured it onto a bowl. He then snatched the phone from my mom and said leave it in here for 48 hours. 48 hours later, it worked like it was new. So if this ever happens to you, stick it in a bowl of rice and you should be fine.

Weight Loss Plan

2009-08-11T13:44:00.001-07:00

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

A Story With A Moral...

2009-08-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah." said the teacher. "Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking."

Pickup Lines

2009-08-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

I must be a snowflake because I have fallen for you.

Can you give me directions... to your heart?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Let's go behind that rock and get a little boulder.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.

Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

You don't need car keys to drive me crazy.

What do you like for breakfast?

You sure have a great looking elbow.

I'm feeling a little off today. Could you turn me on?

You want me. I can smell it.

If you were a drug, I would overdose.

If I bit my lip, would you kiss it to make it better?

You dropped something. {What?} My jaw.

You're like pizza. Even when you're bad, you're good.

I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd out U and I together.

If I follow you home, will you keep me?

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

I lost my virginity... can I have yours?

You are like a glass of milk... you do the body good.

I'm not feeling myself today... can i feel you?

The Arms Race

2009-08-07T21:00:00.001-07:00

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

I bet You'll Watch This Twice!!!

2009-08-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

If anyone one has ideas on how this is done, comment below!

The Bar Story

2009-08-06T19:10:00.001-07:00

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death.
However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself,and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground.

Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

First Job

2009-08-04T16:21:00.001-07:00

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot."

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng sheet rock..."

How smart is your right foot?

2009-08-04T16:13:00.001-07:00

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Send it to your friends to frustrate them too.

For all you old people...

2009-08-04T13:06:00.001-07:00

Have You Ever Danced?

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance, -- just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'

There are two lessons for us all:

1. Don't waste ammunition.

2. Don't mess with old people.

If you ever feel dumb, just read this...

2009-08-04T12:49:00.000-07:00

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.'

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. '
--Al Gore, Vice President

'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix.'
--Dan Quayle
Feeling smarter yet?
Send it on to your brilliant friends.

The Spanish Teacher

2009-08-04T12:38:00.001-07:00

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil is masculine:'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is computer?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be feminine ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Employee of the Month

2009-08-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

Employee

the

Month

July 2009........We have a winner! This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff!

From,
Management

Senate Finance Committee Cartoon

2009-07-15T18:54:00.000-07:00

Obama Cartoons

2009-07-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

The Cat In The Hat

2009-07-15T18:26:00.001-07:00

Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy

2009-07-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

After a two year loan to the United States ,

Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy . . .

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