Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
The man smiled back to her and once again,
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's
Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday -- duuhhh
Friday, October 9, 2009
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Little janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janicefell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But,Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janicefell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Excuse me miss, I don't mean to stare, but um I think you're really Beautiful"
Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.
Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw!
Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!